Then my mom, who spends all of Friday getting her hairs did, makes out with Daddy in front of my stupid older brother Chris and I. Sedarisĭaddy travels every week because he is a super-special PR person for a computer company! Every Friday he comes home with presents for me!! First I have to kiss him and shower him with affection, though, cause Daddy’s sort of needy. “Daddy happy shiny five dollar now?” – D.
Understanding Publisher should have demanded rewrites. That title is shit.Ĭertainly God in his infinite mercy will see that some understanding publisher will put my words in a book, and help grind the knife that I hope to wield. Open the Window and Stand in the Sunshine. To “Cathy.”Īnd as I begin to copy from the old memorandum journals that I kept for so long, a title comes as if inspired. But for this book, let’s just focus on the first part! Hooray!!
Good golly-lolly! This is a book about incest and mean parents!! It’s totally true, y’all! My mom is a mean lady! I’m going to tell my story under a fake name and hope someone publishes it! My story is really long, though, cause it involves being locked in an attic for years, having two siblings die, being raped by my other sibling, becoming the teenaged girlfriend to a middle-aged doctor who adopted me, being a prima ballerina, having my toes broken by my abusive husband, having two sons, seducing my stepfather, whipping an old lady, setting fire to a mansion, having my mother try to poison my son’s mind, setting fire to her house, growing up to marry my brother, having my kids hate each other, having one son steal the other son’s wife, having one son paralyzed, and then more fire. Drinking Game Tally: 2 drinks, 1 chug, 0 shotsĭrinking Game Tally: 20 drinks, 8 chugs, 15 shots
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